Finding the If

We live in a time where we are faced with a seemingly insurmountable number of challenges and it is quite easy for one to become overly pessimistic about one’s ability to accomplish things that are vitally important to us and that would contribute exponentially to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Several years ago while reading, my husband happened upon a phrase that really resonated with him.  He shared it with me and it resonated with me as well and it has helped me measurably in my ability to accomplish more of the things that are really important to me, “think yes I could if, instead of no I can’t because”. I have since come to refer to this as “finding the if”.

I am not just speaking of wishful or positive thinking or about how to improve productivity but rather accepting what I have come to observe as a “natural law” of sorts, that understanding what you believe about yourself is often what happens to you.  I have heard it said many times and I have come to accept that “attitude is highly underrated”.  Over time, I have come to believe that I cannot do everything but I can do virtually anything and given this belief, I have discovered a way to improve my success in accomplishing the most important things in my life, by trying to find the if.

Years ago as I began to experiment with my newfound practice of finding the if, I reflected on how often in the past, and even now occasionally, I witness myself and others putting considerably more effort into justifying why we did not or could not accomplish something (no I can’t/could not because…) than we did trying to determine how we might accomplish it (finding the if).  How about you?  Have you ever noticed how much more inclined we are to readily provide a plethora of reasons, excuses, etc. for not doing something than we are to devote time to thinking of what actions/activities might improve our probability of success?

To better illustrate the principle of finding the “if”, I offer the follow examples:

"I really need to exercise but I cannot consistently motivate myself to do it alone, but if I could find a partner we could both motivate each other", "I am behind in my monthly bills and cannot work full time because we have a new child, but if I could work part time from home, I could possibly make enough money to catch up on our bills", "I really desire to live a more fulfilling and authentic life and I don’t know how but If I could find a good life coach, I could learn".  I’m sure many of you can think of a multitude of other examples where one could benefit tremendously from finding the “if”.

If you really desire to live a more fulfilling an authentic life, I want to encourage and inspire you to really consider what actions/activities are truly important to you that you have not been able to consistently accomplish and consider not just accepting the way things are, but to challenge them and consider the unlimited possibilities that exist in almost every circumstance if you think “yes, I could if.”

Begin with Why vs. How-To

Begin with Why vs. How-To 

My experience in working with a wide variety of individuals and businesses has been that far too many people today have become obsessed with their search for “how-to's”, especially as it applies to self-help. I think the title of the late Brian Klemmer’s former bestselling book “If How-To's Were Enough, We’d All Be Skinny, Rich, and Happy”, although humorous, provides a thought provoking way to consider the appropriate application of how-tos. 

Please don’t misunderstand me, I believe we all search for techniques, tips and tricks, or skills for “how-to” make lots of everyday tasks easier and more efficient and this is frequently a worthwhile endeavor. However, there are also many people who are discontent with their lives and are embarked on a never-ending quest to find that one how-to that will cure all of their problems, real or perceived, and make ALL right with the world. Our world is literally saturated with a plethora of self-help information on how to do virtually everything one can think of. This has influenced many people to read one how-to book after another and or they attend as many seminars on “how- to's” as possible in an attempt to achieve the promise of a more fulfilling life. 

Many people, in their “quest to be better”, appear to focus on finding or fixing something that is considered missing or broken often without knowing what it is and or why. Worse yet, they often want quick fixes and are frequently unwilling to put effort into truly understanding the root cause of their discontent. I have personally learned that applying how-to without the consistent application of the correct personal commitment that comes from a sound knowledge of what you should do and why, will frequently lead to less than desirable outcomes. If "how-to's" were enough, we could simply teach others how to do anything, everyone would be a good at it, and we would all experience eternal bliss.

I believe the most important consideration in determining our path to leading an authentic and fulfilling life is not necessarily what desires we have and goals we set (what we think we want) but what really motivates us towards those goals (what we really want and why) and the commitment to then pursue them. If you challenge my premise then why is it that so many people who pursue how to are still often discontent?

By placing more emphasis on what we want and why and then committing and honoring that commitment, we better equip ourselves to benefit from the appropriate how-to.

Thanks to Eudaimonia’s contributing editor Stan Miller

photo borrowed from Rebecca (Becky/Bex)

“The Word Should”

How often do we say or hear others say, “I should” or perhaps, more frequently, “you should”. I have observed that the use of the word "should" often significantly impedes our well-being and ability to live an authentic and fulfilling life. 

To better illustrate my point, let’s look at the definition and how the word is frequently used or misused.  One of the commonly accepted definitions of should is; 1) to indicate an obligation, duty, or correctness or 2) to indicate probability or expectation. 

Despite its definition, sometimes those using the word “should” are well intentioned and do so to give advice, an opinion, or recommendation (sometimes unsolicited). Unfortunately, most people using the word “should” are oblivious to its true meaning and its potential for misuse and detrimental impact.

Let me give you two separate examples, one using the word “should not” and one using “should” that will help me further demonstrate how use of the word should contributes to living an inauthentic life and inhibits our true well-being and personal fulfillment.

Have you ever witnessed someone or have you yourself shared with another person, “I should not feel that way” or “you should not be sad,” etc. Although, perhaps, well-intentioned, how appropriate is this comment and what is the ultimate impact?  Whether intended or not, in reality, you are expressing, from your perspective, that it is not acceptable for one to feel a certain way and or suggesting one not accept their own reality at that time.  By no means am I suggesting we encourage ourselves or others to obsess about their feelings.  However, by not allowing ourselves to acknowledge what we are experiencing and process it in a naturally healthy manner, we force ourselves into believing that somehow magically we can make things better. Ultimately, how beneficial is it to suggest someone ignore reality or repress how they truly feel? 

How many times have you said or heard someone else say, “I should…” (fill in the blank)…”lose weight”, “finish my degree”, “stop smoking”, etc. What is immediately apparent when someone says “I should” is that they have not made a commitment to do something, at best, they have acknowledged merely what they “should do”. By stating, “I should” vs. “I will” we give ourselves a ready-made escape from commitment. I personally believe one of the vital elements of living a fulfilling life is through making and honoring appropriate commitments.   

How often have we heard the phrase “those are only words”?  As with all things, words can be used for good or bad.  Hopefully, I have given you some good food for thought regarding the use of the word “should”.  Words can be of immeasurable importance in helping us achieve an authentic and fulfilling life. 

Energy Medicine

Integrative Medicine

Energy Medicine

This is the second part of an article I have written addressing Integrative Medicine.  In part one, I provided an overview of Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) and identified Energy Medicine as one of the five categories. In this part, I will focus primarily on Energy Medicine and energy therapies, (also referred to as biofield therapies or modalities) a term used to identify any alternative or complementary treatment based on the use of modification and or manipulation of energy fields. Most energy therapies are based on the belief that matter and energy are not opposites, but that matter is just a denser from of energy itself.

In order to understand how energy therapies work, you must accept that subtle energies exist everywhere. What you can see, smell, touch, hear and taste is also built entirely upon these subtle energies.  Each cell within our bodies pulse electrically and the body emanates electromagnetic fields.  In essence, the human body is a complex energetic system!

Now that you are aware of the existence of subtle energies within all things, you can better appreciate that energy therapies work in the field located and utilized in or surrounding, affecting and emanating from the human body.

Energy therapies are one of the oldest forms of healing around the world and they involve the transfer of energy from the facilitator/healer to patient or client. It is important to note that the physical body is not the only body in the energy field.  

The National Institute of Health Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NCCAM), classifies Reiki, for example, as a biofield modality. Many but not all biofield modalities (therapies) derive from eastern concepts of health and disease.

Some of the more popular energy therapies in the USA currently include:

Reiki (Dr. Usui)

·      Acupuncture/Acupressure

·      Qigong (pronounced: chi gong)

·      Polarity therapy (by Dr. Randolph Stone)

·      EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

·      Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine

·      Craniosacral therapy

There are many energy therapies to choose from.  I personally believe the facilitator, the person who will be working with you, is more important than the modality. It is not absolutely essential that a good facilitator to be certified, however,  one should consider asking some important questions of their prospective facilitator, such as what influenced the facilitator to engage in energy therapy, and what is the facilitators experience with energy itself? Do they have a credible reputation and can they provide positive testimonials?

Integrative Therapies: Part 1

Integrative Medicine: Part 1

What is CAM?

CAM is an acronym for Complementary and Alternative Medicine. Complementary usually refers to using a non-mainstream approach together with conventional medicine. And, alternative usually refers to using non-mainstream approach in place of conventional medicine.

Today in the USA, more healthcare practitioners and healthcare systems are offering integrative health care (another term to mean CAM) to patients in treatment and to help the patient manage their symptoms of chemotherapy, radiation and surgery.

I recognize there is a plethora of CAM therapies, but I find The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health definition useful because they organize many of alternative therapies into five categories.

·      Whole Medical systems: Homeopathy and Osteopathic medicine

·      Manipulative and Body-based practices: Acupuncture, acupressure, Alexander technique, aroma therapy, chiropractic, cranial-sacral therapy, Feldenkrais Method, Jin Shin Jyutsu, Massage, lymphatic therapy and dance therapy, physical therapy, Qi Gong, Shiatsu, trigger point therapy, neuromuscular therapy.

·      Mind Body Medicine: Art and color therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Hypnotherapy, guided imagery, meditation, music therapy, Neuro-linguistic therapy (NLP), stress management, psychotherapy, Yoga therapy.

·      Energy Medicine: Chi Kung Healing touch, Reiki, therapeutic touch, magnetic therapy and prayer, Touch for Health.

·      Biologically- Based Practices: Biofeedback, herbal therapy, hydrotherapy, nutritional counseling.

It’s good to keep in mind that some individual aforementioned practices can and do fit into one or more of the other categories detailed above.  You do not need to be ill or have a “dis-ease” to seek out one or more integrative therapies because some of these therapies are sought out to help promote wellness and personal development. I find that all integrative and alternative modalities can be highly effective, but I always inform my clients that all modalities heavily depend on the facilitator.

I come from a medical lineage on both sides of my family that practice both traditional and alternative medicine and I was no exception to following in one way or the other. I took an interest early on with working with cancer and elderly infirmed people. In the early 1990’s when I began working with Alzheimer patients, we obviously had little information about the disease and how to cope better with the sometimes reactive states Alzheimer's patients live. Reiki (hands-on technique), for example, was one modality that seemed to calm the patients when they had negative outburst or experienced disorientation. The same positive effects of a technique such as Reiki or other hands-on therapies occurred with cancer patients.

At the time I was living in Colorado Springs - Colorado, I was surprised to discover that Penrose, one of the major cancer centers and hospitals did not offer cancer patients (or any patients) integrative therapies. The same was for hospice care.  I encouraged a social worker at Penrose and together we created the first integrative therapies for Penrose Cancer Center. We offered Reiki, chair yoga, drumming, and already active, was a support group for cancer patients.  I personally offered Reiki and frequent presentations educating both patients and staff about Reiki and other hands-on techniques.

Since a modality like Reiki was new to most of the staff, nurses and doctors, it was not only educational for them to learn about different hands-on techniques, but to experience it for themselves. And clearly the patients gained great benefits from the integrative therapies offered.  Reiki, like many other therapies relieved the cancer patients from the negative side effects of chemotherapy, radiation and surgeries. It relieved physical nausea, pain and fatigue. It also helped them emotionally by alleviating stress, helped them cope with their fears and doubts, to name a few.

In the following weeks I will provide more information about Reiki and other integrative techniques. I will share some personal experiences that may help you understand more how to select criteria for choosing the right facilitator and modality for you. 

I welcome any questions or dialogue that you may have.

Be well,

Sandra