Decision Remorse
Correct Decision-Making vs.
Guaranteed Outcomes
Have you ever struggled to make a decision, made it and then
subsequently questioned whether or not it was indeed the correct decision? How
often have you put off making a decision for fear that it may not be the
so-called right decision? How many of us
wish we could always make the proverbial “right decision”? I think I can safely state that few people
ever intentionally desire to make a “wrong”, “bad”, etc. decision. In fact, we often go to great extremes to ensure we do not make a so-called
wrong decision.
I know of no way to guarantee a particular outcome in every
instance. This fact causes some people
much remorse. What I have learned, over a long period of
time is that decision-making is a process
and that consistent application of the correct process is what makes for good
decisions, as solely opposed to outcomes.
To simplify our discussion, let’s look at three (3)
important factors related to decisions; 1) How do some people define a good
versus bad decision? 2) What are some of the most common factors influencing
poor decision-making? 3) What is a proven effective process one can use to
ensure good decision-making?
Unfortunately, many people often judge a correct decision by
the desired outcome. That is, if they
get the desired outcome, they assume their decision must have been correct and
vice versa.
Further, when we don’t get what we consider to be the
desired outcome we oftentimes second guess our decision making and many times
we engage in what I refer to as the “If” drill.
“If I had done this instead of that, then I most certainly would have
achieved the desired result”. Truth be
known, there is no guarantee that another decision would have produced the
desired result. For example, if I had
taken a different route I would have gotten to my destination sooner. That may or may not be accurate. In reality a different route may have taken
even longer! Substitute virtually any decision in place of route, and you find
that another decision, more times than not, would not have guaranteed a desired
outcome.
Further proof that good decisions cannot be judged solely by outcome is the fact that it is
not uncommon for one to get the desired outcome and still be ultimately disappointed or experience remorse. How many of us have negotiated a deal or made
large purchases and then subsequently wondered if we might have done
better? Is it even possible to make
decisions without ever experiencing some degree of remorse? On the other hand, many of us have experienced,
at one time or another, a deep gratitude in the end, that our desires were left
unfulfilled.
If we accept that good decisions cannot be judged
exclusively by outcomes then let us further explore additional factors that
affect our decision-making. The
following represent some of the more
common factors that contribute significantly to poor decision-making:
Making premature decisions
Taking an inordinate
amount of time to decide
Using flawed info/data
Making a decision based solely on emotion
Assuming short-term results are representative of long-term
results
Attaching too much/too little importance to a decision
Inability/unwillingness to accept responsibility for
decisions (a hidden big one!)
Delusional thinking
Ignoring the red flags
Ignoring patterns
Trying to use logic exclusively while ignoring our intuition/gut
feeling
Expecting a guaranteed desired outcome
Expecting a desired outcome to guarantee satisfaction
Making decisions without
the use of a proven sound process
How often have most of us engaged in the above behavior or
allowed one or more of these factors to impact our decision-making? How often
were we dissatisfied with the ultimate outcome? I think I can safely say that
most of us have, at one time or another, been affected by this sort of
decision-making and were frequently dissatisfied with the outcome.
How then can one
improve the potential for satisfactory decision-making?
It begins by recognizing how we often make decisions based
upon a flawed “outcome-only-process” and allowing negative factors to overly
influence our decision-making.
Believe it or not, many renowned psychologists,
philosophers, and others have presented highly reliable findings to support the
fact most of us are born with a highly developed intuition and ability to make
decisions that are oftentimes in our best interest but over time many people ignore the messages our
body sends us and as a result this ability becomes stagnant and less effective.
Research and experience have convinced me that correct
decision-making comes from a process that fully
utilizes all of our senses. For
example, utilizing our mind to gather information and or to recognize
patterns/habits that need changing, as well as using our intuition and physical
body to help us navigate the who, what, when, where and why’s during our decision-making
process. If we allow ourselves to use only one of our senses, then we most
likely are not making a correct decision.
Unfortunately, what makes decision-making tricky, is oftentimes our mind
is not in harmony with our intuition or gut feelings or physical responses the
body uses to try to warn us of an impending poor decision. When confronted with a decision, especially
an important one, be mindful of the how
you are making your decision, avoid the impediments to poor decision-making and
take full advantage of all your senses.
Be aware that fears and negative self-talk can keep you from
making correct decisions or cause you too much time in limbo. If talking
out loud to a trusted friend helps you identify your blind spots, then utilize
that to empower yourself.
Let’s take a general example within any relationship
context: If I’ve experienced a habitual problem within a relationship (partner,
spouse, friend, relative) in which I am unhappy/dissatisfied. And let’s say
that I have tried everything to enhance my probability to make it better but
cannot. I now need to make a decision to both remain and accept the
relationship as is, or make the decision to leave. By the way, if our choice is
to end our relationship with that person or group, it is inevitable that we
will likely experience fear or insecurities around leaving. This is
normal. After all, we have invested time
and energy in that relationship. It is natural to have fear or insecurities. However,
just because our body fears this change, doesn’t mean making it is an incorrect
decision.
A “right decision”, as I define it, is one in which you have
no regrets regardless of the outcome because it was based upon the correct
process for you.
Learn to develop and hone your ability to observe what your
mind and body communicate to you regarding potential decisions…sometimes it can
be immediate and for others it may take a while for you to fully appreciate the
messages your body is trying to send to you.
This process will leave you with few regrets and significantly improve
your satisfaction with your decisions.
