Altruistic Self Help
“Helping others is the
way we help ourselves” Oprah Winfrey
Few people would
argue against the benefits gained from helping others but when people experience hardships or challenges in their own lives, they are frequently
less inclined to devote time to altruistic endeavors. Instead, the most common behavior is to dwell on whatever hardship they are experiencing
without any consideration for helping
others, even though it can provide significant potential to help themselves. It takes a certain amount of emotional
maturity to try to find ways to
help others in need while we are
confronted with our own issues.
Studies have
found that those who give help or support
others while confronted with their
own hardships are often keenly aware that
they still have to deal with their own problems, but also realize the tremendous benefits that can be
gained from helping others during these times.
When they are able to deliberately abandon their own problems, even if
only for a brief period, they can oftentimes gain valuable insight into how to
deal with their own struggles. I like to
refer to this as “getting out of ourselves”.
By “getting out of ourselves” our focus is drawn away from our own
problems and directed towards the problems or challenges of others. We all have a tendency to view problems of
others differently than we view our own.
Many times we can be more objective with others and help them find
better solutions. By doing this our own decision making
skills are improved and we become more adept at helping ourselves with our own
challenges.
A recently published article by Dr. Elizabeth Hopper titled
“How Helping Others Gives Meaning To Our Lives” (2016) presents new research
indicating that helping others is an
important
ingredient to developing a
sense of
meaning and purpose.
Working with many
different clients from all walks of life, as well as including observations from
my personal relationships, I have observed many intrinsic as well as extrinsic
benefits prevalent in those given to providing altruistic help to others.
Benefits include:
·
Increased
Compassion – both for self and others
· Being less self-absorbed
· Reduced need to obsess and talk about
own problems
· A healthier sense of self
· Improved coping skills
· Better all-around attitude to overcome
problems
·
Bonding with others, even strangers can enrich
our lives and give us inspiration
·
Understanding we are not isolated in our pain or
suffering. Others have pain and suffering as well!
·
Giving meaning to
our life by providing us a sense of interconnectedness with others; a reminder
that our problems are universal
·
Providing space between us and our problems so
new insights can emerge
·
Increased potential for release of “feel good”
hormones
I’m sure many of you can relate to some of the following
examples associated with helping others.
Some simple actions to help others can be empathetic listening, without
judgment and uninvited criticisms. Taking the time to engage in a needed
conversation with a friend or loved one can
uplift them and provide them the support they need. Making the conversation
about them and not us shows that we are willing to “get out of ourselves” and be compassionately present for those
people we are helping. When we ask questions from interest and care for the
person and without our own agenda, it
can be invaluable
to others. Additional ways to help
others and ourselves is making a short-term commitment
to community service work, such as a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.
I hope I have been able to provide some insights about one
of the best ways to help ourselves, especially when we are experiencing
hardships or challenges in our own lives, is truly by helping others. I know I have personally benefitted from this
approach, and the first person that modeled clearly for me, was my mother. I
remember as a child during some especially painful times my mother and I faced,
she plunged herself in helping others. Her empathy and compassion had always
been in her nature, but to observe a tangible example like my mother’s behavior
during such awful times, gave me an appreciation of the potential for compassion we all have within us. I also noted with utter amazement how her
disposition radically changed as a result of helping others instead of focusing
on our hardships. To me, she became a role model
of what is possible in humanity. Without a doubt, my mom left an indelible
impression upon me, to this day.
I feel that when we observe altruism in it’s most sincere
form we are not merely witnessing our own yearning for kindness, but also a
desire to know that we have the potential to transcend our own problems-
and having that awareness is, empowering, especially when faced with our own
personal challenges.
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